as I already celebrated in Blog Entry No. 32, Alyrene’s Blog already exists for a whole year. A year, in which a lot of things happened. A year, in which I realized quite a few things. A year that asked at least as many questions as it answered.
When I startet blogging I wanted to stay anonymous at all costs. I only told two or three people about this project and that mainly for practical reasons. In Blog Entry No. 12 – Den Mund voll ungesagter Dinge I already raised the topic a bit, why I prefer to stay anonymous: Anonymous one has a place, where one could unload all of ones psychological ballast, could talk (or in this case write), without having to look into pitiful and/or helpless faces, without having to answer questions, which one wouldn’t want to ask oneself. (To everybody, who knows me privately: Please don’t take that personally, I am just honest and like this my life is easier.) But staying anonymous has even more advantages: For one thing, one can choose ones name oneself without hurting someone or investing a lot of money in the bureaucracy of the state. Don’t get me wrong, I love my name, which I got for my birthday and which is written in my ID, I probably wouldn’t even want to give up my surname in case of a marriage and my pseudonym is to large extent composed of my first name, but Alyrene is just a damn cool name, which isn’t all that widespread and I wouldn’t want to let go of it again. On the other hand the advantage of keeping that kind of clear distinction of private and public life is undeniable. That makes it way easier to relax in private 😉 Furthermore the idea of a secret identity is obviously just cool 😀
But, as I said, the last year brought a lot of change with it. One of the things that I have realized (more), is for example that I don’t want to hide my face anymore. I want you to know, whose thoughts you get to read here, how the human that is behind all of this looks and which face you can gladly connect with the name Alyrene. I want to stand by my identity, once I have found it (at this point in time there are still a few question marks). It is clear to me that it is actually totally insignificant how I look or that I actually have dark blonde, absolutely straight hair but this also means that you can know it.
So that’s me: Constantly on the search for myself (the question of identity is, besides the question of the meaning of life, really the hardest of all the questions but in contrast to the latter, it is probably worth asking it), 18 years old today (founding the blog on my birthday really has something to it), 1,65 m high, much more content with red, wavy hair, white, west privileged, German Citizen. Four months I was able to live in wonderful Ireland and I hope to be able to travel a lot, once this pandemic is hopefully over at some point. I like to talk with people, especially with the older generations, because they often have collected much more life experience and lived under totally different circumstances. The stories, which many people have to tell, interest me again and again. I was once told I would be write dramatically and maybe that is true. Maybe I am dramatic, because I often attribute big meanings to small comments, small actions, because I believe that it is still possible to save the world and because the universe, in which we live, fascinates and overwhelms me in its infinity regularly (as I said, the question of the meaning of life probably has no place in the infinity). Maybe I am dramatic in my enthusiasm for things that excite me and/or deeply touch me (humans, books, music, movies, the planet earth, etc.). Maybe being dramatic is something good. Or not, since good and bad are only questions of definition anyway.
I don’t know (yet), in which part of the LGBTQIA+ community I feel to belong, but what I know is that I will always want to be an ally for all of these people, who, because of their identity, are discriminated, oppressed, ignored and experience hostility or even violence. We are all humans, so we should enable equal opportunities, human rights and a life in freedom to everybody. We should treat our fellow human beings with kindness and respect and fight for those, whose rights are not preserved and who are not treated this way. I know that I am a cis woman, who stands for these values and I know that my other questions will be answered on my search for my identity. I am already looking forward to the moment, as an old woman, having found security in my being and passing on my life experience to a generation, which hopefully lives in a better world than us today.
That is me. Somehow. In one year I will probably be a different person (with the same core?). Who knows.